Generic Origin of Alternating Koalas

A Caution for Young Individual of Irreproachably Modest Character on Their First Day on the Internet

2008-11-12T17:57:00.000-08:00

Do not go outside. It's raining bloggers out there. Gooey balls of confidence, almost an excessive dose of denatonium benzoate. They occassionally hug each other, a socially slimy and sticky bunch as they are.

But if in your boiling blood of youth enthusiasm you know you are destined to be the next budding social network superstar, then by all means go out and exhibit your inner spiritual pubic hair all the way beyond retardation. Be shameless. And be commercial.

The Pleasure of Common Bodily Dischargement

2008-10-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

Due to the repellent nature of the subject, many tend to refrain from the public articulation on the matter of common bodily dischargement. This is unfortunate since it is both a fascinating object of curiosity and undeniably an endless source of personal diversion. Even the ejection of certain bodily fluid have long been considered to be the ultimate pleasure achievable, even the only chance for mortal to taste the teaser of kingdom come.

I mean folks, it feels good to piss, shit, fuck, and all that. Not to mention nose picking and earwax removal after a long bike ride in a freezing sand storm.

Now, that is the meaning of life, if there ever was one.

Solution to the World's Problem

2008-10-07T18:17:00.000-07:00

Let us all just go out and piss together in sync.
Men standing hand in hand and all be brothers,
women squatting face to face and all be sisters,
in piss.

Why,
let everybody jump up and down and run around pissing.
It will be beyond fun.

Suicide

2008-03-02T02:12:00.001-08:00

I don't know you but today you jumped to your violent death right in front of my eyes. It was a cloudy moment in the generally sunny day and I was going to trade some CDs in my favorite part of Shinjuku. I went there a lot and thanks to you I really don't feel like going there again.

You are not a bird, you know, you can't fly. In case you haven't heard you poor fuck, if you jump from 8th floor or so, you are going to die and it's not going to be a pretty sight to behold. But I reckon that you were not that eager to fly anyway for you were not exactly flapping your arms or something. You were just falling there solemnly posing like a doll. Funny, the moment I saw you falling, I really thought that you were a doll. A very heavy doll indeed for the next split second you made a thumping sound as if a very heavy sack of sand falling from 8th floor or something on the sidewalk. Funny, the moment I heard the sound, I really thought you were a sack of sand.

It was crowded. I wonder if you hit somebody down there. It was messy and all I did was turn away and ran like a coward I am, trembling and all. Should I thank you for not hitting me? I was so going that way. It is the exact building that I was going to. There is a CD trader there on the 4th floor. Good price and all. Maybe I should thank you. Maybe you saw me from afar and decided to jump ten meters or so before I got there. Well, thank you very fucking much for your kind consideration.

I am sorry, I couldn't make out your face clearly though. Were you grinning at me? I hope not but I can't help imagining that you were. It was your own fault you jumped on the shadowy side of the building. But I saw you all right. You were wearing brownish sort of jacket. You looked normal. You didn't have to look normal, you know. You were going to die anyway, there was no need for you to wear jacket even that it was a cold day. You could jump naked, you know. Naked.

You were taller than average. Were you about 175? You might be in your 30s, but I could be wrong. It was blurry. And you fell faster than I thought a man should fall. Really. I thought a man should fall slower than that. Neither did I see you down there in your full glory because thanks to my cowardly instinct I turned away just in time.

And boy, I never knew a man would make that much thumping noise. It really was a simple big thud, but thanks to your nice falling pose a millisecond before now I can hear your bones cracking and your flesh splatting.

Here you are as I saw you for a second or so.

For the last six hours or so I got myself a free replay of one second movie of you falling right in front of me. To tell you the truth, I don't know what to feel. I really don't. Maybe I am just dramatizing things as always. Honestly, other than watching the replays, I spent time wondering what I should say about this. Words come and words go. Maybe I don't need to say anything. After all there are over 30,000 suicides a year in Japan. At that rate I wonder if a suicide virgin such as myself is a minority. At one point or the other I even thought that I was privileged to witness the ultimate performance of Japanese dramatic art.

Maybe I was privileged. Thank you so very fucking much. But I wouldn't mind trading the one second experience for another long boring day any day. Even one long boring month, I don't know.

The Importance of Being Me

2007-11-10T00:46:00.000-08:00

Of all the beings in the present world, I am obviously blessed with such a high degree of importance. Being such of an exquisite importance I am indeed be liable as to perpetuate my excellent existence to eternity if possible at all.

Nonetheless, as tempting as it might be, in no way I am at liberty to disclose such delicate matter to anybody. A careless public display of importance will only reveal the deplorable fact that those who are not me are of such an inferior level of importance.

Indeed, I have no other option but to let those who are not me to keep themselves imagining that they are at the same or even higher degree of importance. Evidently those who are not me are so fond of being of such an importance, that I am quite happy to maintain their somewhat grandeur illusion, and let them spend their otherwise lame existence obliviously ignorant of my superior importance.

Being unknowingly in the lesser degree of importance, those who are not me will be more easily submit themselves to the, essentially, perpetuation of my being in the highest of importance.

As I indicate beforehand, I am not going to admit all these talk of me being of such importance. Not in a blog. Not even to my very own important self.

What Is So Delicious About How Things Are

2007-08-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

The problem with the world is definition. The problem with most people is the urge to define what is wrong and what is right to make things manageable. The problem with positive people is that they think that being negative is wrong. The problem with negative people is that they think that being positive is wrong.

It would be nice if we all can be depressively happy, hilariously bitter, proudly silly, right in being wrong, wrong in being right.I wouldn't mind at all the perfect ironic state of deliciously contradictive bliss, so that I can say to the genetically controlled chemicals running amok inside my head: 'Ha! I beat the crap out of you!'

The biggest problem of all is: there is no problem at all. We all just need to solve something.

Ha!

Masturbation

2007-08-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

I like to write. Oooh.
I love to read what I wrote. Oooh.
Me and my crap.
Oooh. I think they are cute.

People too like to write. Oooh.
Everybody's a writer now. Oooh.
People too love to read what they wrote. Oooh.
People and their crap.
Oooh. I think they are the cutest thing.

Oooh. All these writings and readings.
I can't stand it anymore. Ooh.
These are all just too damn cute.

Useless orgasmic delights.

Life too is so.

The Metamathematical Interpretation of Square Root

2007-08-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

I suspect, indeed have a deep conviction,
that the square root of four is not two.
It looks very much like,
even identical to,
two. But it is not two.
It still is the same old four,
but with half self-confidence.

In other news,
I suspect, indeed have a deep conviction,
that we are all monkeys fooling around.
This is my hidden agenda.

Counting for Clueless Crowd + Bonus: Not-so-useful Reminder

2007-08-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

One death is heartbreaking.
Two deaths is devastating.
Three deaths is confusing.
Ten deaths is unfortunate.
One hundred deaths just sucks.
One thousand deaths is news.
Tens of thousands of deaths is a day like any other.
Millions of deaths is written somewhere, presumably.

Another day closer to death.
Whatever it is.

Counting for Lovers + Bonus: Useful Self-denial

2007-08-03T17:38:00.000-07:00

One is for two waiting to happen.
Two is for longing to be one.
Three is for two arms wrapped around a neck.
Four is for two lips locking.
Five is for fucking. (Why?)
Six is for no reason why.
And so fucking on.

Nothingness is all there is.
Yeah.
Emptiness rocks.
Me so zen all day long.

Negative Arithmetics for Losers

2007-06-24T04:52:00.000-07:00

Simple negative numbers multiplication sometimes baffles children who first learn it in the elementary school. It is somewhat counter-intuitive that a negative number multiplied by another negative should become positive. There seems to be a violation of consistency: positive number multiplied by another turns into an even bigger positive number; so how come: negative times negative does not become a bigger negative number?

Obviously there are some obscure mathematical explanations for this, but what is more interesting is how this fact might be applicable for daily life of losers, pessimists, and other negatively inclined people in general.

Our society values optimism, progress, productivity as 'positive', while desperation, depression, pessimism as 'negative'. Let us try to use words as numbers and see if we can do the arithmetical trick for words:

Productivity with a dose of optimism begets even more productivity.

Apparently [positive] x [positive] really does = (bigger positive).

But how about negativity? Does negative attitude applied to another negative attributes might produce something commonly considered as 'positive'?

One very common trick that people usually do to overcome negativity is to compare their suffering with other people's misery. Remembering the starving children in Africa kind of crap to make our own life looks superior in comparison, thus feel better about it:

[Feeling bad] x [Thinking about an even worse situation] = [Feel better]

Arithmetics might work after all.

One of my favorite tricks to overcome negativity is to apply Frank Zappa's approach to composition, Kurt Vonnegut's approach to humor, and Gautama Buddha's approach to life: not taking things too seriously and have a good laugh at them.
Consider:

[Feeling crappy] x [Not taking it seriously] = [Having a good laugh]

Negative arithmetics rules.

But They Are Pretty!

2007-06-09T15:06:00.000-07:00

Life,
is a big poetic lifelessness.
The verses are meaningless,
but they are pretty,
so what the fuck.

To try to be decent at all,
is a nonsensical poem.
Words upon words,
of endless absurdities.
But they are pretty,
so what the fuck.

There are some who might understand,
that there is nothing to understand.
They are nice.
Very nice.

Let There Be Holy Balloons

2007-06-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

If I am the God:
I will pop out silly balloons
right on top of each
and every one of the six billions.
I will let their naked thoughts
streaming words into their balloons.

Ha! I will speak not very solemnly,
like a God should.
Look at yourself, people!
You and your silly balloons of thought!

People will start looking at each other's balloons
turn red, redder than their own faces.
Unable to stop laughing at others',
They are frantically trying to bust theirs.

What fun.

But some people have no balloon.
Lucky them.

Being such a leg pulling God.
On the very next day,
I will let people fart their thoughts.
The sillier the thought, the smellier the gas.
Soon enough the world would be unlivable.

Ha! I will say not at all solemnly.

But some people don't fart.
It's good to be around them, actually.
They smell rather good.

Being a God, I let myself be not a God.
I let myself be what I always am.
With my embarrassingly red balloon,
and rather smelly all day continuous farts.

Imagining Space and Time

2007-02-03T19:48:00.001-08:00

Our notion of reality and existence are based on us experiencing space and time. We move around in space, stumble upon objects, and see the changes around that we perceive as time.

What most of us experience as empty space and solid objects we can crash into are made of atoms. Or is it? It is an observable fact that only 4 percent of the universe is made of atoms. The rest of it is made of invisible unknown inhabiting vacuum. But what about us, we are obviously solid objects that hurt ourselves bumping on a solid wall. Are we? We surely are made of atoms. But what is an atom anyway? Is it a solid ball roaming around? Atoms are 99.9..9% empty space. What is the remaining 0. ..01% then? 1/100,000 size of a hydrogen atom occupied by a stuff called proton in the middle, and 1/100,000,000 by another stuff called electron whizzing around the proton. What is that electron anyway? Is it a small dot of solid object? Unfortunately it is not. It's a cloud-like wave of probability that made it look as if it is a matter popping in and out of existence. What is the proton anyway? Is it something solid then? Unfortunately it is breakable into an even smaller and smaller elusive sometimes-matter-like probability wave.

Our body that we think is obviously solid as observable by our puny senses is nothing but empty space with dots that even their existence are doubtful. On the fundamental level we are waves of existential probability. These are all observable and demonstrable facts.

If our hands, our room, and everything that we see around us at this instant moment are actually empty and unreal, what about time? Is time real? We feel that time moves because we see changes around us. Nights turn to days, people get older, thus we feel that time is real.

It is an observable fact that time beats differently on different places in the universe. Time slows down, even stops at the mouth of a black hole. What does it mean that time 'stops'? What is wrong is not with the time itself, but our perception of time. Just like there is something wrong with our perception of matter that we misunderstood it as reality.

Time is fundamentally nonexistent. What we perceive as changes in space and matter around us is probability waves splitting themselves infinitely, manifesting themselves as events upon time that we perceive. But these waves are timeless. Everything that had ever happened are waves of probability, so are everything that can happen. They have always been around, and will always be around.

The House of Shadows

2007-02-03T14:29:00.000-08:00

knock knock.
who's inside?
whose house is this?
why wouldn't anybody
let me in please.
it's dark and cold outside.

tap tap.
i peek through the window.
it looks glowingly warm inside.
i see nobody but shadows
that look like me in all ages.
i saw a glimpse of one
of a child that looks like
what i used to be.

there are nobody inside
but a crowd of shadows dancing
the dance of possibility
of what i could be
of what i could never be.

knock knock.
if i am uninvited
would you at least let
my shadow in.

'Come Cry on My Grave' Instinct

2007-01-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

People do all kinds of their things, naturally, trying to make themselves happy. Let us see if we can summarize stuff people do in a set of few generalizations:

Learn some skills, trying to be the best in whatever they do, and accumulate attention and admiration as much as possible on the way. People do these stuff, naturally, to attract the best possible mate, and naturally, breed.
For those who are succeeded in gaining some extraordinary skills, but the skills they happened to choose, unfortunately, doesn't help them in getting the relatively best mate possible (video game champion, for instance), then they will simply try to go all the way as far as their own Symphony No.9. Poor Beethoven.
For those unlucky enough to gain any useful skill, they will simply, if possible, breed as much as possible.
For the unluckiest of all, no skill and no chance to breed, they just go home, and if possible, watch TV, eat junk food and get fat. Or the no less unattractive opposite.

That's pretty much what most people do, despite some statistically insignificant exceptions. The question is, what is it that people think can make them happy? Why do people imagine that breeding and being famous can make them happy?

What does breeding and getting rich or famous have in common? It is to have more people that potentially would respect and appreciate whatever crap we do. It is to imagine that there would be more people who would miss us when we're gone. To put it simply, most people have this simple equation of happiness:

Level of our happiness = c * (number of people crying when we die)

Where c is a changing constant that changes so much it is not a constant at all. So here we are all, collecting people to cry on our grave.

A Taste of Forbidden Fruit

2007-01-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

I must have been around 13 years old the first time I tasted the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I was raised in a Moslem family, so naturally the Creation story I was familiar with was the Koran version. I remember the feeling of uneasiness to have the feeling either something is wrong with the holy book, or something is wrong with me and other being of the same species that is human.

Basically the Koran version of the story goes something like:

God created man and woman, Adam and Eve specifically, to be the ruler of the earth of some sort, but God put them in paradise.
Noblest creature as they are, all angels and heavenly stuff supposed to bow before them. So they did, except our dear Satan.
So, Satan got himself damned for eternity for disobeying, and being pissed so satanically off, Satan swear to forever tease men to go astray. For a start, being satanically clever, Satan eventually lured our first ancestors to eat the forbidden fruit.
Being divinely pissed off, God banished them from paradise and cast them down to earth.

My problem was, my 13 years old reasoning couldn't understand: wasn't God made man to be the ruler of the earth in the first place? Why man had to sin first in order to go, when God, in full knowledge knew, that man was created to live on earth. My reasoning was: God intentionally created man to sin so that he can eventually rule the earth. Otherwise he would live happily ever after in paradise, and the earth would be empty ever after. Without ruler. How nice. No global warming and all craps people do.

20 years later or so, I still couldn't get it. Don't tell me not to take it literally. I don't. It's just a weird story. So, that was my first bite of forbidden fruit of reasoning. It was good. I haven't stopped eating ever since.

Glorified Greed

2007-01-09T06:06:00.000-08:00

The obvious and easiest solution for any uneasiness in general, is hope. Hope for better condition, better days sometime in the future. With some kind of hope, the present unacceptable condition can become bearable, and people can have some kind of courage to try to make things better.

Hope for prosperity, hope for happiness, hope for peace.

A natural response to discomfort as it is, unfortunately, also is a misleading solution that will not be effective in the long run. Peace had never happen, nor there will ever be peace. There will never be general contentment, as there has never been such a thing.

Hope drives progress. But humanity has never been fundamentally progressed. Sure we go places (at the price of environment damage), we talk to strangers overseas, we see naked children dying instantly switchable to naked celebrities. But are we happier than the cavemen bonding around bonfire, honestly?

The answer is no.

So where is the progress? So what is the use of all these technological advancement that makes life supposedly easier? Most of we have now are mere excesses. The manifestation of basic human nature: greed.

Life is not fundamentally easier for most human, and will never get any easier. To say the otherwise is to close our eyes on history. There will always be war until there is nothing left. That is, no human left to fight with. The advancement of technology will finally make it possible for humanity to self annihilate itself. Congratulation.

Hope is an illusion. A painkiller for terminal cancer of the earth, humanity. As a matter of fact, hope is not only a painkiller, but also a stimulant for the disease. It does not make things better. It makes things worse faster, albeit temporarily bearable, like a good addictive drug it is.

The common misconception is that if there is no hope then we have no choice but to be desperate. Desperation is the sense of inability to motivate oneself to do actions beneficial to oneself, and to others. Ironically, hope is the major obstacles to actions that could genuinely have long-term benefit to humanity in general. We don't need hope to help each other. We just need to get up and actually help, instead of hoping.

Hope is nothing but a guilt-free glorified greed, gift-wrapped neatly. But it is, essentially, greed. And greed, the basic human nature, is what exactly makes humanity impossible to sustain.

The Most Terrible Thing

2007-01-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Your life is not about you.
If your life is about something at all.
It is about everything else but you.

It is about the world turning days into nights.
It is about the laughter of strangers living next door.
It is about the fair weather at the other side of the earth.
It is about great deeds of great people you don't know.

The most terrible thing in your life is,
that it has never been at all yours.
It is about losing,
things that have never been yours anyway.

The only less terrible thing you can have in your life is,
not to have you yourself in your own life,
but to have you, in other people's life.

Four Easy Steps to Become a Buddhist of Some Sort

2007-01-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Here you go, four easy steps to become a Buddhist of some sort:

Admit that you suffer, just like everybody else.
See that there is such thing as the cause of suffering.
See that this cause of suffering is eliminable.
There are such and such proven ways of elimination, but basically, it boils down to:
just keep doing whatever you do, but stop, and i mean, STOP, thinking about it.

That's it. No new God to worship, no hell to punish you, nobody is wrong, nobody is right. In fact, there is nothing to believe in at all, just a set of obvious statements to ponder.